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Gala Guiba

Fisty 50

Embracing and loving what half a century of bouncing around has taught me.

Don't bounce too hard, too fast,too slow and whatever I do, I do at my own rhythm.


Ranting / Raving Posted on Thu, November 17, 2016 19:02:18

Staying connected beyond A&T + Verizon marketing campaigns can be quite the challenge. We are so used to this virtual world of non communication where a poke and a like have taken the place of a call and a chat.

There is somebody (not really, not likely, not sure) in my life whom I care deeply about, our friendship is turning into a one way chasing street an there is little to no feedback. When I positively can not bear it any longer and I reach out, there is always a pleasant conversation with an apology for the “disconnect”.

That has lead me to give some thought to the concept of Connectivity.

One can hardly have a disconnect if there has been no real ongoing “connecting” regardless if there is a practical or spiritual, invisible liaise between two people; the latter is a magical yet not practical connection.

The universe (god, goddess, karma, the angels, Ala or what ever flavor you favor) provides us ever so rarely with this almost magical connections; it is our duty to recognize, our job to foster and a privilege to enjoy them. It takes loving, tender, caring work for these liaisons to develop to their potential, while negligence and carelessness takes the life and light out of those very special bonds.

The practical connections are our every day interactions with people who come and go, might be friends, workmate, business associates, lovers, even family. Those one require certain amount of effort to, yet they are common in nature.

Pondering on what that “disconnect” -as my friend put it- was doing to me… or rather what I was allowing to do to me, i noted a sense of loss and sadness; not belonging, confusion non-importance and utter disbelief. How can I care so damned much and inspire so little? Being the woman that I am, once I realized how deep in self pity avenue I was traveling I tapped into all sorts of Buddhist resources which brought me a small level of peace and ever so slowly longing is turning into mourning, which despite the sadness it is a step into the right direction.

Comparing the relevance of connectivity with art… painting, for example, staying connected gives a relationship so many depths, hues, shadows, perspective, detail. Staying in communication gives us all the tools to make a beautiful painting. Having none of that allows us to paint stick figures, boxy houses and little else.

I am not sure how much sense this is making, but in my head it does.

Talking often to the people I love, knowing about their day, trials and tribulations: seemingly insignificant things like a car not starting, an employee quitting, a new client, a tummy ache, getting a haircut, missing an appointment, having a special meal… all these tiny bits of information paint a picture, create closeness, camaraderie, strengthens bonds.

We can choose to connect when we have time or we create the time to connect. The latter gives us a beautifully detailed, thrilling novel, the former just a sad quick punch line.

Punch line, scribble, jingle.

Not for me.

I want a novel, an inspiring painting, a symphony.

I want a real connection, not a “like” paired up with an emoticon.

Aaah! to be Roman!

Ranting / Raving Posted on Tue, November 15, 2016 19:43:42

Work in the front (room)
Party in the back (ground)

Paving my road to retirement one email at the time and in the background I have Netflix. Evening’s choice? going back and forth between The Roman Empire (or something) and some snoozer miniseries about the middle ages.

Something has caught my attention.

It is no secret that Roman ladies used their feminine charms to get what they wanted, be it brick layers or the Ceasar himself; these women could build or destroy empires with just a few rolls in the hay and also were quite capable of beginning or ending any and all uprisings, which leads me to wonder how on earth their girlie bits and pieces were constituted.

No doubt their intelligence played a big role, but let us face it: men will be men and from Augustus Maximus to Pete from the car dealership down the street they all have but one thing on their minds, so I have arrived to the conclusion that the ladies from the Greatest Empire had some sort of insanely tight clutching super powers down under which kept men as their unquestionable slaves.

I want some of that man manipulating power.
I have none whatsoever.

Also noticed that cosmetics and esthetic surgery must have been incredibly advanced in the BC’s as most of said roman ladies have humongous, balloon like boobs, gravity defying perkiness there! not muffin top waist lines and all sported puckered chubby lips… ummm… makes you wonder!

The ones from the middle ages are no better. Now, i KNOW dentistry was not at its highest in the 1400’s so those pearly whites in both boys and girls make no sense whatsoever, nor does the luscious skin or casually “just got out of bed” hair styles.

If there was ever a scary time for humans were the dark middle ages, when one had to deal with curses, demons, witches and the catholic church selling bits of paradise for a few gold coins and the roaring flames of hell if you were poor… at that time surviving was not even the biggest of concerns! so you can NOT come and tell me that nobody had a burrowed frown, bags under their eyes, wrinkles, gray hairs.

I do not believe everybody was fit and muscly and seemingly no body hair whatsoever.

Beginning to suspect that the film and TV industries are not being all that honest with us.

Back to segregated times

Ranting / Raving Posted on Wed, November 09, 2016 03:44:09

This is a sad, sad day for democracy.
common sense and intellect has officially perished in the USA.

cant help but feel dark days ahead of us.

Bigotry, racism, ignorance, dishonesty, mysogenism.
A horrid bully has entered the whitehouse.
Just so you are fully informed, His pet climbed on his head in 1976 and died there. It was a yellow tabby.

I need to cheer myself up… a movie with Matthew McConaughey guarantees a few shirtless scenes. It has Bradley Cooper as well so yes! MORE yummy abs.
A beer, Santitas.
3.47 in the morning.

i followed the ridiculously intricate American voting process… I have earned this middle of the night stravaganza.


Ranting / Raving Posted on Wed, November 02, 2016 20:20:57

What at a huge, hard, exasperating, wonderful Wednesday it has been.
A tremendous breakthrough/roadblock presented itself

Today I was reminded to read the signs, all answers are provided if one is mindful.

What a day.
what an eventful end of what started as a super crappy 24 lonely, sad, “I have been forgotten and left sidelined and forever waiting for a thing that will probably never come” hours.

what a bloody brilliant day!

The Mighty Power of Guilt

Ranting / Raving Posted on Tue, November 01, 2016 11:17:13

guilt |gilt|
• Noun
the fact of having committed a specified or implied offense or crime.
djust your behavior

• A feeling of having done wrong or failed in an obligation.

• Verb [ with obj. ] informal
make (someone) feel guilty, especially in order to induce them to do something:

Guilt is one damned powerful force.

It can be the motor of great achievements, the source of great pain or the reason behind great loses.

Everything great, nothing modest, no middle way.

I am in a hyperbole type of mood today

Guilt can be the reason to work out hard at the gym after having waaaay too much cake.

Guilt can make you be extra charitable to less fortunate people compensate for a decadent, useless purchase.

It can make us be extra nice when we have been mean or work extra hard when we have been slacking.

Guilt can can make us grow as a human beings or it can stump any possibility of development.

Guilt can be a learning tool or a life sentence.

We all have the capacity to direct the raging power of guilt… but it takes will and work; desire; awareness.

There are several types of guilt, I think.

1. “Compensational” guilt
Whatever your personal “naughty” scale may be, you have been slightly bad. You have the need to do little acts of contrition to feel better about yourself.

Key words: PAY BACK

2. Ego fueled guilt

This is an interesting one.
You have lead yourself to believe that in the micro cosmos which (you think) circles around you, you have the power to deeply and permanently affect those satellites surrounding your orbit and you are a demi-god who holds the absolute power of right and wrong; happiness and despair; love and hate.
You may be a total egomaniac.
I would have that checked.

Key word. DELUSION

3. Religious guilt
you are screwed.
Utterly so.
You have probably been indoctrinated from the womb and unless you are a true rebel or all of a sudden develop the skill to question the powers at be, you will likely drown in the bitter waters of guilt.


4. Educational guilt
This is the most positive and beneficial of all.

Ok, so you messed up… big time or maybe it was not such a huge deal but you are certainly NOT happy with yourself.
In a ideal state of full awareness you have evaluated your behavior and its consequences, thus confirming that you were not up to code with your personal ethics.

Now you need to make a choice:

a) Learn from it.
Analyze what lead you to that situation, look within you o find the true reasons for your choices.
Adjust your behavior accordingly.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, forgive yourself and move on with the newly acquired knowledge.

Key word: GROWTH

b) Ignore it.
Bury yourself in any and all distractions to quiet our conscience.
Pretend you are over it, put it in the back oven.
Harden your heart, treat yourself roughly and hope for the best.

Key word: DENIAL

which will probably give way to:

5. Perennial Self flagellating guilt

This is a sad one, awful, really.

So, again: you messed up.
There is no forgiveness or compassion from that very hard, mean judge living in your head and corrupting your heart.

YOU F*cked up.
YOU must pay… it can be weeks, months.
Even years.
Could be the rest of your life.

There is a tiny little part of you which may even enjoy renouncing to all joys this brief little life has to offer, because you have convinced yourself you do NOT deserved it.
You may be feeding the masochist in you.
You may be feeding the martyr.


So you feel you brought pain or sadness to somebody’s life and you must forever pay and deny yourself any possibility of happiness because you failed (who you failed? nobody is really sure)

You feel you are not worthy and the irony is that, by maltreating yourself, you are affecting the people around you.
From the hopeful to the inner circle.
Every single person is being mercilessly whipped by that self righteous cane you have decided to punish yourself with.

The question is: are you avoiding potential happiness and the hardships it may entail? are you flogging yourself because you have an unrealistic standard? Do you not think you are important enough to put yourself before other people or maybe you think you are so important that you must carry the weight of everybody’s sorrow?

Can you find the compassion to forgive yourself, accept that Human Beings make mistakes and what makes us great is to actually LEARN from them as opposed to getting stuck in the unchangeable, immovable past?

In any case, this is not a good, healthy, wholesome place to be.

I think we all have experienced it.
It brings NOTHING to the table: not to the offended, not to yourself, not to the people you care about.

Let us bring happiness to the world by allowing ourselves to be happy! Let us not fester in sadness, denial and self reproach!


So the point of it all is: We may die tomorrow and what would we have left?
GUILT? do we really want that to be our legacy?
Do we want the people left behind to remember us for the amount of guilt and self denial we endured?

Do we want to lose the possibility of true love because we are punishing ourselves over times past?


Repressed or zen?

Ranting / Raving Posted on Sun, October 23, 2016 21:28:59

These days have been a monumental exercise in self control from not lingering in bed to saying no to beer (flaking on the food front, all things being said) and doing my best to be patient and keeping my feelings in check as well as enticing my monkey mind to be in the present and not tormenting myself with things past nor indulge in delusional thoughts of things which may never come.

The only thing that is absolutely real is the here and now, even if it is a tad… difficult.

It has been particularly hard preventing my thoughts from traveling to the dark, torturous wasteland that is speculation; this particular bit has taken continuous effort but I think there was a certain level of success achieved even if my tummy is still in a knot and I have this tremendous sense of loss and sadness.

It will pass.
In this ever changing universe not pain nor joy are permanent.

It is a healthy habit -I think- to deny oneself certain wants and desires for it makes us stronger as well serving as a reminder to value what we do have rather than wanting the next thing.
We should not give way to every whim as not everything our heart desires is a wise want.
No matter how desolate a situation might seem, how crestfallen one feels, how lovely it would be to reach out and connect, how happy one would feel, searching for a connection is not a wise desire that will bring any happiness or the results one hopes for.
This is a clear situation in which one must show self restraint… or repression?

A friend of mine remarked precisely that: I have a tendency to repress my feelings and desires thus negating myself what I really TRULY want. While there undoubtedly was a self serving intention to his comment, I couldn’t help but (inwardly) agree a little with him.

So the question is: what is the difference between repression and self control?

I believe that repression is suppressing the emotion and self restraint is managing it.

it would be an absolute repression of my feelings if I would lie to myself and try to convinced me that I do not reach out because I don´t care or I am too busy/ uninterested yet I choose to see the reality of things, be brutally honest and manage my emotions by accepting that it is the OTHER party who probably does not care and is too busy/ uninterested.

I manage, manage all day long and I will be a better, stronger human being at the end of it all.

This post does not make sense, but I feel better after unloading this cart full of sentimental crap.

Say whaaaat?!

Ranting / Raving Posted on Thu, October 13, 2016 20:39:06

So I am teaching a 3rd grade Spanish class and I ask my students why they think it is important, useful, advantageous to learn a second language.. or not.
With loads of help and prompting we figured out one could make friends, travel, help people, become smarter; have a heads up in life, etc.

This kid raises his hand, at the tender age of 9 he already has a manly jaw, Beaver hair and waaaay too self confident “above it all” blue eyes and he spits out, without any hint of malice:

“It is important I learn Spanish so I can tell the gardener and maid EXACTLY how I like things done and what they need to do”

I think he had his polo shirt’s collar flipped up.

My heart broke a little.